There’s A Break In The Cup That Holds Love

Mother’s Day brought good and indifferent. I had lunch with my son and husband, which was fun. They traded tech support horror stories, and Matt and I enjoyed the $2 margarita specials. Unfortunately, we had to have him back by 2:15, so he could start work at 2:30. He also has finals this week, and had to work on a project for one of his classes, so it was sweet that he took the time out to spend with me. Of course, I’m sure lunch had a lot to do with it, as Matt is a poor, starving college student who never turns down food that isn’t ramen or hot dogs.

Aubrey had to work a double, so she left at 9:45am, and didn’t get home until almost midnight. However, she brought me my two favorite desserts from where she works; brazilian cheesecake and key lime pie. We watched the season finale of Once Upon A Time, then a few episodes of Fringe before we both passed out. We were wiped out from our two days of camping, and Aub had not yet had time to rest.

We were all supposed to meet up with my mother, nieces, nephew, and stepdad, but she called to cancel. She said my stepdad made surprise reservations in Fredericksburg for the seven of them. Yes, I was not invited to have lunch with my own mother on Mother’s Day. I think that pretty much encapsulates our entire relationship.

All day long, I kept seeing facebook memes about mothers and Mother’s Day and great relationships. I figured I could either be hurt, or I could be grateful that my children are absolutely fantastic, and just appreciate being a mother. I chose to be grateful. It’s really not worth being hurt, as it doesn’t change anything. I refuse to be bitter, and accept that it is what it is. I’ve written enough posts about my lack of a relationship with my mom, so it shouldn’t be a huge shocker to anyone that I was excluded.

Anyway, on a much happier note, Aubrey is supposed to audition for a band this week! After her ass kicking performances on Thursday night, I decided that she needs a performance venue. I looked on craigslist to see if any bands were looking for vocalists, and found a somewhat decent one that does originals as well as covers, and they are looking for a female lead. I sent them a link to Aubrey’s modeling video with her singing in the background, and the guy loved it. I’m sure it doesn’t hurt that these two guys are 20 and 21, and Aubrey is supermodel gorgeous.

Ron calls this need for me to intervene “helicopter parenting.” I disagree. I think it’s a parent’s job to support their children in pursuing their dreams, and if Aub wants to be a professional model/actress/singer/whatever, I’ll be right behind her, waving a flag and telling her how awesome she is. I do that with both my kids. Matt has been discovering a lot about his chosen profession, and I’ve spent many phone calls talking with him about which direction he wants to go, what classes he’s taking in the fall, what he’s going to do for his internship…the biggest difference being that Matt is of the age where he just checks in with me but makes his own decisions. Aubrey still needs me as part of the process. As her confidence has grown over the last year, though, I’m seeing that less and less.

Because Ron doesn’t look at any stuff that I post, write, record, or video, he often misses stuff. All he’s heard is Aubrey’s experimental singing while she does dishes or cleans her room…she plays with harmonies and does weird vocals, which has paid off for her. So when I was on the bed the other night, with Ron at his desk and not wearing his headphones at that moment, he finally heard her singing on the video that I sent the band. Ron is extremely particular and normally hates female vocalists, but he’s been going on and on for the last two days about how great she sounds. He was still having flashbacks to the John Deere Green talent show days, when I’d make her sing the song, correct her, and make her start again. By the time she performed something, we’d all heard it a thousand times, and even Aubrey hated the song at that point.

Now? She sings songs I’ve never heard, and does them perfectly. I don’t have to tell her to practice, nor do I have to listen to her note by note. She’s got this.

She hasn’t yet heard from the band guys, and even if she doesn’t, or if she does and they don’t want her, there is no doubt in my mind that this is a career option for her, any more than I doubt that Matt will be a famous musician in addition to being successful on the business end of things. Both of my children have musical talent pouring out of their mouths and hands, and Matt has the charisma required to do well in business.


Aubrey singing John Deere Green

So even though my mother has no need for me, I’m cool with that.  I am an awesome, incredible, bad-ass mom. Mother’s Day is MY Day.

“I try so hard to please you
To be the love that fills you up
I try to pour on sweet affection,
But I think you got a broken cup.

Because you can’t believe I love you
I try to tell you that there is no doubt,
But as soon as I fill you with all I’ve got
That little break will let it run right out.

I cannot make you happy.
I’m learning love and money never do
But I can pour myself out ’til I’m empty
Trying to be just who you’d want me to.”