Just a few seconds can remind you why you fell in love with your partner. Ever since Matt was diagnosed, I’ve had to make a ton of effort to keep my fragile-bound marriage from crumbling completely under the stress. This is actually a good thing, because focusing on my marriage keeps me from being overwhelmed with panic for my son. On the flip side, when one person is putting forth way more energy than their partner, it can breed a little resentment along the way. That’s where I’ve found myself lately; I have walked quietly and carefully over the past few weeks so that Ron doesn’t get super stressed about all the things we have to do as parents of a sick adult child. Although I know that I have a million reasons to love my husband, it’s nice to have tangible evidence.
So what happened to feed that little spark? Night before last, I was trying to design a crocheted bodice for a dress that I’m collaborating on with a friend. I normally watch/listen to a tv show or movie while I play with my yarn, and I chose Star Trek: Into Darkness. I found myself too absorbed by the tv and realized I needed something fluffier that required less attention, so I started catching up on Glee. I was streaming and for whatever reason, the video was really jerky. As Ron was walking past, he stopped during one of the dance scenes and commented on my slow bit rate. He said, “See, I can dance like Glee, too!” and he did a dorky little dance.
Why is it that a few seconds of an impromptu dance does more to make me feel loved than all the cups of coffee, bowls of oatmeal, and loads of folded laundry that Ron does every day? I honestly don’t know, but I think it has to do with vulnerability. He never, ever dances, so to see him joke around made me feel safe and loved. While it might sound kind of silly, I thought it was incredibly sexy.
Yesterday was pretty awesome, too. We went to the Fiesta fireworks at Fort Sam and ate ridiculously overpriced carnival food, listened to torturous cover bands, and watched Aubrey ride a couple of ridiculously overpriced carnival rides. We were there for about four hours before the fireworks started. Ron only complained a few times. That’s damned miraculous, because he normally complains incessantly (he and his cat have much in common). Once again, I felt loved. We rarely go to any kind of event, so just the act of going made the whole day special, and to hear him say he liked the fireworks was just icing.
Considering where we were just three months ago, we are leaps and bounds ahead. Yes, we take our marriage one day at a time, but that’s how any marriage works. It’s all that I can hope for.