Yesterday was my daughter’s 20th birthday, and my appointment with the oncologist. My mom and step-dad took us to lunch, then Aubrey had to go to work at her second job. When she got home last night, she was excited and bummed. If she had been out of training, she would have walked away with well over $200 for five hours of work. Fortunately, today is the day she takes all of her tests, and assuming she passes all three (which she will), she will officially be on her own and will be able to keep her tips. Although she wasn’t happy about having to work on her birthday, she felt a lot better about it knowing that everyone deemed her ready to “graduate” from training today.
I wish I could say that my appointment with the oncologist was as fulfilling. Although they had received the current mammograms from last week, he did not receive my previous mammograms, so had nothing to compare the new ones to. In other words, my life is still held in the balance based on the opinion of a single radiologist.
However, the doctor did physically examine me, checked all my lymph nodes, thoroughly palpated both breasts, and based on that, felt I had nothing to worry about. He’s convinced it’s most likely hormonal, since I do still have my ovaries. He prescribed evening primrose oil twice a day for the next six weeks, and wants to see me again in six weeks. That gives him a chance to look at ALL of my scans, and we’ll know by then if the oil is working.
I didn’t realize how much I had been running on adrenaline until I got home from the doctor’s. I sat down on my bed with my laptop to check my email and facebook; instead, I passed out with my hands in mid-typing and woke up at 9:30 pm. I was exhausted, emotionally and physically. Even without a definitive diagnosis, I am reassured enough that I can stop the incessant worrying, and spend more time on the important things.
I can honestly say, though, that my life has changed. For one thing, I am now a huge advocate for breast cancer awareness, particularly Inflammatory Breast Cancer (IBC). I enjoy my family more than ever. I appreciate the wonderfulness of my kind and caring friends. Last but not least, I know how important it is to live in the moment, to be present both physically and mentally, to focus on what’s in front of me, instead of what might lie ahead. In other words, life goes on.