I Don’t Know A Dream That’s Not Been Shattered

There is much heartbreak in our house tonight. After hearing that her brother got his financial aid award today, Aubrey checked her MHC email to see if she’d gotten anything yet. She did, and…she didn’t. Yes, she did get awarded financial aid, but they have our family contribution at $22,000. That’s almost half our yearly income after meds, doctor visits, treatments, dental bills…She was already expecting to have to take out a personal private loan in order to cover the parental contribution, because she knew we just plain don’t have any extra. There is just no way that as a parent, I can in good conscience allow or encourage her to take out that much debt for one year of school. When she saw the “award,” she just sort of crumpled to the floor in a little ball and started to cry.

She’s worked her ass off for the last year, and even got a second job so that she would have enough to get up to school, as well as cover some of her other expenses like books and supplies. The second job is destroying her knee; we had already planned to schedule an appointment with the orthopedist who took care of Matt’s knee when he tore his MCL. We think she may have gotten a hairline fracture when she hit it on one of the metal supports for the glass of the wine wall. She hurt it ages ago, but was able to nurse it along until she started waitressing. Now that she’s on it for five hours straight in the morning, and then another five hours at night, it’s become unmanageable.

Now it seems like it’s all been for nothing; at least, in her eyes. I know that there are countless options for her, but at the moment, she can’t see any of them. In my experience, things tend to go the way they are meant to go. While it’s too late to register for classes at anywhere other than the local community college, she can take a few music and dance classes very inexpensively. She can focus on her modeling, or save up to travel, or even work in a different city for a while. She’s not married and doesn’t have kids, so she’s light years from the few opportunities I had at her age.

I’m not sure who is more disappointed…me or her. I think it’s more that I am disappointed for her. But I know that Aubrey is amazing and will always find a way to soar. She just has to remember where the sky is.

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