All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth

Before I go into my planned post, I want to give an update on my “Highway Days” post:

We didn’t make it to Austin, as it took Aubrey three hours to get her clothes together, steam ten of her dresses, do her hair, etc. I had asked her to do it the night before, but she used the excuse that I was asleep when she got home from work. Considering that I didn’t pick out any of her outfits, I consider that pretty bogus.

Instead of Austin, I decided to brave downtown anyway, and it turned out to not be so bad. Unfortunately, the light was horrible. Because I don’t have an assistant (since Aubrey is usually my assistant), I couldn’t use a diffuser. My flash is completely gone, so I couldn’t use a fill flash, either (which is how one deals with blotchy light, like under trees). I tried moving her from spot to spot, and every shot was just garbage. Finally, I found a set of stairs that had even enough light, and managed to get TWO pictures that were useable. The two became three when I cropped one to a close-up.

aub1     aub2

aub3Aub loved these two pictures, and is especially proud of this dress. It is a Scott McClintock that she bought for $1.75 at a thrift store. The gloves are from one of her mall shopping trips with her friends, and likely are from Spencers, Claire’s, or Hot Topic. It is always amazing to find a dress that is tiny enough for her, and this one fits like one of her gloves. She has a McClintock body, both Scott and Jessica.

In spite of how tall she looks in the photos, let me state once again that she is 5’4″. It’s all in the angles, baby. I’ve learned so many tricks for making someone look much taller than they really are. Using that post as a prop and having her in an ankle length dress both work to elongate her body. Height is an optical illusion.

And now for something completely different:

Yesterday, it was finally Matt’s and my turn for our dental evaluations. After Aubrey’s $7000 total, I knew ours were going to be bad. Oh, how that is understated…

Matt’s tooth that the previous dentist butchered during a simple root canal has now become a giant abscess. The infection is starting to spread into the bone, so our new dentist has referred him out for oral surgery today. That tooth has to come out and a bone graft has to go in, as they are likely going to have to scrape away the infected bone. Not including the oral surgery, Matt’s total came out to about $13,000. Almost twice Aubrey’s, but realistic, at least.

When they started my evaluation and I heard the hygienist say, “It’s going to take me half an hour to chart this,” I decided I didn’t want to hear anymore, mainly because it was making me nauseous at the thought of how much it is going to cost. I put on my headphones and turned up my mp3 player. After they finished all the x-rays and charted all my spots, they took me into the “just in case they’re going to make a scene” room to give me the bad news. Mine came out to about $22,000. I could buy a brand new car with that much, and have money left over.

The problem is that my previous dentist did all of my fillings and crowns very poorly, and now there is decay underneath everything. So all my old fillings need to come out, and I need 11 crowns. I also have loose gums, so I need to have them lasered in order to encourage healthy tissue to adhere to the bone. On top of all of that, I need braces. Because I didn’t have my wisdom teeth removed early enough, they shifted all of my perfectly straight teeth. Then there’s the tooth on the bottom that was pulled I don’t know how many years ago, so my bottom teeth have all sort of slid to the right, making my bottom midline off by an entire tooth and a half.

It’s tough to decide what needs to be done NOW and what can wait a month or two. Matt’s oral surgery is a NOW, as are three of my crowns and lasering my gums. Aubrey has some emergent stuff, but she’s paying for most of her own. We’re paying for Matt’s surgery, and then he has to pay for the rest. Unfortunately, there is no one else to pay for my teeth.

What totally sucks is that we won’t know about Ron’s mouth until the 26th. There’s no telling how much work he’s going to need. I’m pretty sure he’s going to need to have the laser cleaning, at the very least. I told him I was going to laugh when they tell him that he has a mouthful of cavities. Yeah, it’s not so funny now that we have to deal with my mouth.

And so begins our oral adventure, as we put our dentist’s children through college. I expect a damn invitation to that graduation.

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