I’m The Kinda Chick That Leaves You Cryin’ For Your Mother

After several weeks of postponement due to the flu cycling through our house, Ron and I were finally able to enjoy our dinner out at Texas de Brazil, where we got to watch Aubrey doing the crazy, insane, vomit-inducing things that she does for a living.

Aubrey’s job entails her mimicking various amusement park rides with her body…the kind that rock back and forth and then tip over, or the ones that go in furious spinning flips. It’s been six months since I have seen her perform, and she is vastly more experienced, with more abdominal muscle control than your average human being. It’s slightly bizarre to see six-pack abs on such a tiny little girl.

I took the opportunity to use her new video camera and recorded her for 33 minutes. For 13 of those minutes, she was busy pulling her suit out of her ass and tightening her harness. For the other 20 minutes, she was in constant motion. My favorite of her tricks is when she grabs her ankles behind her back and flips into a whirling blur. Of course, I had put away the camera when she finally did that particular trick, so I missed recording it. I did, however, catch a lot of her new stuff.

After I posted this to YouTube, I watched the other two videos of her flying…the first was after four days of flying and the other was after three months. While the second one was definitely better than the first, this latest video is exponentially more exciting than the first one. When she first started flying, she could only do two or three flips in a row, followed by a lot of swinging back and forth. She could hang upside down for a while, but mostly, she just swayed from one side of the wine wall to the other. She was graceful, but kinda boring.

Now, she is hands down the best aerialist, although her friend L. is also pretty damned good (L. is trained in aerial silks). When we were seated at our table on Tuesday night, the other hostess that was flying at the time was as boring as Aubrey’s first performances. She did a few flips, a few spins, and a lot of hanging upside down, but no one else does Aubrey’s crazy stuff, particularly not at her speed.

As a mom, it’s pretty freakin’ amazing to hear people drop their forks or say, “Wow!”, “oooh!”, and, “How does she do that???” and know that they are talking about MY daughter. Even Ron commented on how many people stopped eating to whip out their phones and record her, or to take her picture. When she came out spinning in a pendulum, there was a collective gasp from just about everyone around us.

The thing about her job that Aub loves most of all is when little kids come up and press their faces against the glass and wave to her. She’s had kids ask for her autograph, and adults ask to take a picture with her. Of course, her job also comes with a down side…she has to fend off drunk assholes, and put up with guys who offer to pay her to come sit at their table, like she’s some kind of stripper. She finally bought a gorgeous CZ engagement ring on eBay for about $2 (she’s a seriously good shopper). Considering it’s fake, it has more sparkle and looks more real than some real diamonds that I’ve seen. While it hasn’t stopped all of the advances, it’s curbed them.

Sadly, she’ll be leaving relatively soon to go back to college. With her health issues resolved, she’s ready to tackle being a normal 20 year old again. Don’t get me wrong…I’m glad she’s going back to school, and I’m incredibly grateful that she’s healthy, both physically and emotionally (although an episode of Glee did bring on a short crying jag over Isaac recently), but I also love having a daughter with a somewhat glamorous job.

No matter whether she’s working, going to school, or just hanging out, I’m overwhelmingly proud of her. She’s taken control of her life, as opposed to two years ago when she was an absolute mess. Now SHE knows there is nothing she can’t do…but I knew it all along.

“Raise your hand if you don’t care
What those platinum girls wear
Raise your hand if you’re just here
To have a good time

Raise your hand if your lipstick
Doesn’t make you a dumb chick
Raise your hand if the shape of your hips
Don’t compare to the shape of your mind
You don’t even stand a chance
I’m not taking off my pants

I’m here to start a one girl revolution
I’m not a barbie doll, shopping mall, silicone substitution
I thought I told ya
I’m a soldier
And I’m not leaving til the battle’s over
One girl revolution”


2 thoughts on “I’m The Kinda Chick That Leaves You Cryin’ For Your Mother

  1. MommyVerbs says:

    Wow. Just Wow. Seriously Awe.Some!

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