Today is Isaac’s 20th birthday. He was 13 when he first came into our lives, and 18 when he last left us. Yes, I still miss him. Yes, I still think about him every day. Yes, I wonder how he’s doing, if he’s happy, how school is going, what he intends to do after he finishes…It was two years ago that he and Aubrey began dating again, and I truly thought they would be together forever.
Aubrey and I were watching Royal Pains the other day, and one of the characters told her stepdaughter, “You may not have grown inside my body, but you grew inside my heart.” Indeed, that encapsulates my feeling exactly. Isaac was a pain in the ass, but I loved him just as much as the two pains in the ass to which I gave birth. He grew inside my heart, and I loved him with every piece of me.
I sent him a Woot t-shirt for his birthday, just like I did last year. I have no idea if he wears them, or if he just tosses them out, knowing they are from me. It doesn’t matter to me. Every year on this day, I want him to remember that somewhere, people love him and miss him and think of him.
So please forgive me if today, I mope around a bit. I am sad and heartbroken. I miss my little boy, and I miss knowing the young man he’s grown into. I hope that someday I see him again. I hope that he is happy and doing well. I will put out a candle with my tears, but I will try to remember the good times.
Happy Birthday, Isaac. You are loved.